Unemployment has led to me to moments where I just go “screw everything” and decide I’m going to apply for the most ridiculous job that I possibly can. Living in such a sex positive town like Portland (home of Erika Moen’s excellent Oh Joy Sex Toy) can make you forget about the gross skeevy side that’s still very much present. And the sex shop I applied for had that in spades. I felt the compulsion to bleach my soul after being taken through a tour of the video and glory hole booths, terrified at the prospect of having to clean them as part of my job. I didn’t get an offer in the end, but some have asked me would I have done it if they did. “Not for what they were paying” is what I tell them.

The only embellishment I have in here is the Skeev Wall, and that’s only because it wasn’t a wall. The pictures of the skeevy dudes no longer allowed in the store were around the perimeter of the computer monitor they used for their register. And they used tiny photographs, for there were many.

The only thing I could think after the whole experience was who shops like these still cater to. Thanks to the internet you don’t need a separate establishment for jerking off, and you can also find forums that don’t require you to engage in skeevy anonymous sex. Maybe there’s a specific thrill from it? More power to you I guess, but it’s not gonna be my responsibility to clean up after it.